


words i say to myself (and to you one day)

by excorde (constant)



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Feelings Realization, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, inspired by hajeongwoo ttalk, inspired by ikon's bestfriend, mashikyu if u squint lol, not set in the idolverse, they fight, they make up, too many things happening in a v short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:07:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24888859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constant/pseuds/excorde
Summary: Haruto grasps his way around his feelings, learning that his actions should always correspond to it, and not the opposite. Because the last time he did that, Jeongwoo had walked out with the words:"Having you for a best friend is an antithesis to how you treat me every day."(Also: Mashiho knows a little too much about flowers.)
Relationships: Park Jeongwoo/Watanabe Haruto
Comments: 7
Kudos: 116





	words i say to myself (and to you one day)

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by hajeongwoo's t-talk and a little bit of ikon's best friend (blame ruto for choosing it among the thousands of other bff songs in the world lol)

"Having you for a best friend is an antithesis to how you treat me every day." 

Haruto remembers these words like it was only said to him yesterday. He knows they were meant to be spiteful, the tone in which the sentence was delivered rich in vexation and impatience. He remembers Jeongwoo’s furrowed brows and teary eyes. The anger which soothes out of him, utterly uncharacteristic for a boy who’s usually cheerful like Jeongwoo. 

Haruto knows he’s supposed to feel remorseful, or at least appear just a tad bit _apologetic_. 

But instead, he does the opposite of what’s expected of him. 

He laughs. 

Haruto has finally crossed the line with today's prank. It wasn’t too severe to be completely honest, but adding to the hundred others of his past pranks, jokes, and teasing, it has been too much for Jeongwoo. 

And his reaction to his friend’s outburst was the least advisable if he was planning to resolve the tension between them quickly. 

But oh god, of all things - he laughed! 

It trickled out of him upon hearing Jeongwoo’s high-pitched voice, reminding him of a cute cartoon character he used to admire as a kid. The bunched up eyebrows were too endearing for him not to coo at. Lastly, Jeongwoo’s use of words has always impressed him. That’s another korean word he’s gonna have to add in his vocabulary. 

"Anti- _what_?" He blurts out, never the one to know when to shut up. 

“Anti- _you!_ ” Jeongwoo yells at his face, and Haruto couldn’t help laughing out loud once more. This seemed to have done it - Jeongwoo walks out of the room, slamming the door to his bedroom. 

He doesn’t catch on to the situation until he notices Jaehyuk’s disapproving gaze on him, who has been sitting on the couch silently the whole time. 

“What?” Haruto asks, oblivious. 

Jaehyuk shakes his head at him, almost in a disappointed manner. “You’re such an idiot, you know that?” 

“ _What_?” He prods, but doesn’t receive a response. 

  
  


Just as he’s bad at expressing his affection, Haruto has no idea how to properly apologize. He does try, however.

He does it by pulling Jeongwoo’s chair for him at breakfast one time. (Jeongwoo doesn’t even notice.) He does it by pushing the elevator buttons for him, which is also unnoticeable since they’re heading to the same floor anyway. He does it by buying gummy candies for him. But Haruto knows that the hyungs would complain if they didn’t buy some for them, so he ended up buying one for everyone. He considered cooking a meal for him, but he can’t even fry eggs without setting the whole place on fire so that is definitely out of the question. 

“Why don’t you try saying ‘sorry’?” Mashiho suggests after catching Haruto stressing out in the kitchen and is forced to open up to him when the older insists on hearing his problem. 

Haruto frowns at the idea. “And then what?” 

Mashiho pauses. “I don’t know.” 

“Should I get him flowers?” 

“Why would you get him flowers?” 

Haruto shrugs, already starting to deflate at the idea of apologizing verbally. “I’ve seen it in movies.” 

Mashiho laughs at his face, head thrown back and everything. “Those are _couples_ , you dummy.” 

“Couples?” The word has a ring to it. It makes Haruto excited for some reason. 

“Yeah. You know, boyfriends, girlfriends.” 

_Boyfriends._

Mashiho continues, “But flowers are universal, they can be sent to anyone from anyone. I’d suggest hyacinths for a repenting-jerk like you. I hear they’re best for apologizing.” 

“Jerk like me?!” 

  
  


Haruto ends up taking Mashiho’s advice. A few days later, he comes home with a little pot of indigo hyacinth plant. The ceramic pot is cool to the touch and it fits his hands just right. He even did his research. Indigo means _deep contemplation_ , and Haruto has contemplated deeply about his attitude towards Jeongwoo and comes to a realization that he has been, indeed, a complete jerk towards him. 

They used to be the best of friends. They _are_ the best of friends. No one can see one without the other. Despite Haruto’s ceaseless annoyance and teasing, Jeongwoo is still stuck to him for some reason, treating him just as how he treats the others - _if not more_ because he has to put up with Haruto's antics to come with it. 

Haruto tries to formulate the words in his head before entering their shared apartment - his apology, his reason for all the pranks and banters. 

_I like getting a reaction out of you. I find your little frowns really cute and the way you raise your voice when you finally have enough of my shit. I know it’s wrong and I’m sorry but it gives me immense satisfaction whenever you react to me. No matter how much I like your scowls and glares, nothing can still beat your smile and laughter. I’m not a very good joker, Jeongwoo. Every time I crack one, you look at me like I grew another head. So when I heard you laughing out loud to Jaehyuk and Junkyu’s jokes, I got a bit competitive. I want to make you laugh too, but I don’t have the qualifications to do that. So there you go. I thought prying a reaction - any reaction - from you would suffice. But I got overboard, and now I have nothing at all._

Haruto steels himself before finally entering the apartment. All thoughts of his plans are thrown out the window as soon as he steps into the living room, overhearing his hyungs' conversation from the kitchen. 

He can’t be hearing this right. 

He walks in, the hyacinth still in his hand. 

“Jeongwoo has a boyfriend?” He asks, staring from Hyunsuk to Jihoon to Yoshi and then back to the first person again. 

“Yes, but please keep it down. He has only told Junghwan so far who told Doyoung who told Yedam who told me.” Hyunsuk has the audacity to look guilty.

Haruto couldn’t bring himself to say anything. 

Jihoon addresses him, “You’re not gonna make fun of him for this, are you?” 

This snaps him out of his mind. “No.” He responds quickly, staring at the trio one by one. They look like they’re doubting him, so he adds, “I’m not gonna make fun of him.”

Haruto means it. 

He places the hyacinth on the kitchen island before walking out of the room. 

  
  


Haruto thinks he has already seen the best of him, but something still beats Jeongwoo’s smiles and laughter. Jeongwoo being _genuinely happy_ wins above everything else. He knows he takes no credit for it whatsoever, but he couldn't help feeling joyful for his friend. 

Weeks following the news of his relationship, one can evidently see the change in Jeongwoo's mood. 

When Jeongwoo walks into Haruto and Junkyu's shared bedroom looking for the latter and only to find the japanese boy alone, Haruto takes this chance to talk to him again. 

"Hey," He calls out before Jeongwoo can completely walk out the door. 

Jeongwoo turns to him, looking a little surprised.

"Hey." He replies, forcing a little smile on his face. 

"So. What is he like?" 

"Huh?" 

"Your boyfriend." Haruto clarifies. "Care to tell me more about him?" 

For the first few seconds, Jeongwoo only stares at him blankly. Haruto starts to worry if he has said something wrong again. 

But then he breaks into the brightest smile, making Haruto realize just how much he missed him and just like that, all is well between them again. 

They spend the entire day talking at the top bunk of Haruto's room. Jeongwoo tells him everything about his boyfriend - from the day they met, to the awkward confession, etc. 

It's like they haven't seen each other for years and have a lot of things to catch up on. This makes Haruto smile unknowingly, loving the way Jeongwoo doesn't seem to be running out of words to say. Haruto likes listening to him. 

Also, he likes the way Jeongwoo's arm would brush accidentally against his whenever he reaches for the chips between them. He likes the way Jeongwoo smells of laundry soap and citrus sanitizer. And the way Haruto would lay his head against his lap because he couldn't stand another minute of crouching from the ceiling any longer and how Jeongwoo would let him. 

Where did he put that indigo hyacinth again? 

Because apparently, Haruto has not contemplated enough. 

  
  


Following the best is the worst. Haruto should have seen it coming: The breakup. 

The thought hasn't even crossed his mind because Jeongwoo still acted the same way despite the reality of his cheating asshole of a boyfriend. He still acted like everything's okay, like he was okay - so how is Haruto supposed to look through that? 

They all hear the news nonetheless. It doesn't matter who heard it first or who Jeongwoo has confided in. What matters is that Jeongwoo doesn't seem to want them to make a big deal out of it. 

For a few days, they leave him to his own devices, Haruto included. But that doesn't mean he's not worried. 

The clock on Junkyu's desk says it past two in the morning. Haruto gets out of bed, finally giving up on sleep. He believes Asahi's still up at this time, working on music. Maybe he can bother him for a few minutes. 

On his way to Asahi's room, he notices the light from the bathroom, the door left ajar. 

Assuming that it's just another moment in which one of the older members forgot to switch the lights off again, Haruto heads towards the bathroom, startling when he sees a figure standing by the sink. 

"Jeongwoo?" 

The aforementioned boy says nothing, head bent towards the floor. His hair is wet and a towel is hung over his shoulders. 

Haruto stands by the doorway for a second, hesitating. He waits for Jeongwoo to acknowledge his presence, to look up, to walk out of the room, to _move,_ but he remains frozen on the spot. 

Jeongwoo's head is still bent over when his chest starts to shake, slowly at first until his sobs has increased in volume and Haruto notices how he grips on the sink to hold his footing. 

Haruto is by his side instantly, unsure of what to do. He spots the blow dryer hanging by the cupboard over the sink, plugs it on then starts ruffling through Jeongwoo's hair. 

The noise from the dryer muffles the other's cries which is a relief. It doesn't seem to be the perfect time to attract any other of their housemates' attentions. 

Haruto cards through his locks gently, hoping that his touch can convey the things he wants to say which words couldn't. 

"Who even takes a shower at this hour." He jokes as he turns the dryer off, returning it to its proper place. 

Jeongwoo sniffs loudly before turning around to face him, face wet with tears. 

“Should I dry your face too?” 

To his immense relief, Jeongwoo finally cracks a smile. 

“Come here.” Haruto opens his arms, regretting the invitation almost immediately. What makes him think that Jeongwoo would fall into his arms? The most skinship they had were subtle brushes on shoulders and laying on each other’s laps. 

But this worry lifts off as fast as it came to him when Jeongwoo buries his face on Haruto’s chest, nuzzling his nose on his shirt which makes Haruto’s heart skip a beat.

His arms are still awkwardly spread out, and as if only realizing this, Haruto slowly places one hand behind Jeongwoo’s head, the other on his back. 

Jeongwoo whimpers in his chest, and Haruto just _breaks_. 

“I always thought he was a dick.” 

Jeongwoo laughs in spite of himself. “No, you didn’t.” 

Gathering his courage, he tightens his arms around the other boy, ignoring the fluttering in his chest as he pulls him closer. 

“But I do know that you deserve better.” He whispers as he caresses Jeongwoo’s hair like how he would to deliver comfort to a fragile person. 

  
  


“Mashi hyung?” 

The older looks up from his phone, eyes wide in curiosity. 

Haruto hesitates. 

“What is it, Ruto?” Mashiho prods, and Haruto can tell by the tone of his voice that the former would do everything to pry it out of him, just like last time. 

Haruto knows that there’s no way out of this now, so he decides to just let it out: “What kind of flowers do you give to the person you like?” 

“It depends. What’s the occasion?”

“Um,” Haruto fidgets, “I won’t call it an occasion but um- a confession?” 

“A confession. Hmm.” Mashiho considers this for a moment and when it strikes him, he widens his eyes at the realization. 

“Are you confessing to someone?” 

“What? No! I'm asking for a friend.” 

Mashiho smirks, clearly not buying it. “If you say so.” 

“Hyung, I’m serious.” 

“Okay, okay.” The younger thinks he sees a glint of mischief in his eyes before saying, “Chrysanthemum.” 

“Chrysanthemum?” 

Mashiho nods, face all serious. 

“Chrysanthemum is a symbol of genuine, everlasting love. It’s the most popular flower for confessions. According to statistics, 80% of the people who had confessed with chrysanthemums had the odds falling into their favour.” 

Haruto crinkles his nose. “80%? That doesn’t seem much.” 

“It _means_ ,” Mashiho starts, raising his voice impatiently, “if the twelve of us confess with chrysanthemums, Jaehyuk, Junkyu and Junghwan will fail. Jaehyuk because he will chicken out before he even gets the chance, Junkyu because only an idiot will fall for him-” 

“Wait a second-” 

“-and Junghwan because he can’t even talk to strangers much less profess his undying love for someone.” 

The explanation only seemed to have made him more confused. “Your analogy blows my mind, hyung.” 

Mashiho pats his cheek, “You’re welcome.” 

  
  


The indigo hyacinth turned out to be a real thing after a confirmation from the internet which is probably why he is quick to trust Mashiho about the entire chrysanthemum thing. 

However, when the florist hands him the bouquet of chrysanthemums with the words, "I'm sorry for your loss.", that's when Haruto knows that something is not right. 

He confirms this on the way home as he looks up the symbol behind chrystanthemums on the bus. 

He looks at the variation of hues from the flowers, not knowing whether to laugh or cry at the thought of Mashiho getting him good. Haruto must have looked too pitiful because a passenger has wished him his condolences. 

When he gets home, he leaves the bouquet on the shoe rack by the doorway, feeling completely stumped for having been fooled. Just an hour ago, he has been excited - nervous even - for his great confession plan. Now he just lost all motivation to push through with it.

He sees Jeongwoo sitting on the couch, airpods plugged in. As if magnetized, Haruto heads towards him, his heart already melting merely at the sight of him. 

He lays on Jeongwoo's lap without invitation, and as usual, Jeongwoo lets him. 

"Why the long face?" 

Haruto covers his eyes using his arm, too embarrassed about the situation despite the only person (except maybe Mashiho) knowing about it. 

"I just lost an opportunity." He adds, "Or something like that." 

He feels Jeongwoo's hand tapping at his chest gently, and for a moment, Haruto almost spills his feelings right there. 

"Maybe another opportunity will come next time." Comes the sweet, gentle response. 

Haruto takes his arm off his face, smiling at Jeongwoo's tender gaze. 

"Yeah, next time." He pauses for a heartbeat and a second, then, "Or maybe now." 

Haruto swallows, readying himself for the ultimate confession.

It's at the tip of his tongue. He already opens his mouth to say it when he hears the front door open and the sound of rustling breaks his focus.

"We got food!" Hyunsuk calls. 

Almost immediately, the sound of footsteps come running from the corridor as Junghwan welcomes the older members. 

Jihoon's voice echoes into the apartment next, "Why is there a symbol of death by the doorway?" 

Haruto shakes his head, laughing. He reaches out to pinch Jeongwoo's cheeks and the other responds by pinching back harder. 

"Yeah," Haruto huffs, "Maybe next time."   
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! this was so much fun to write. kudos/comments appreciated <3


End file.
